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Every year, poker is becoming an increasingly popular sport. But no matter what the “athletes” say, this game still remains a gamble for money, which your man can get carried away with. Gambling addiction Many psychotherapists call gambling addiction the least curable. Even drug addiction will be easier to get rid of, because drugs cause damage to […]

The post What If Your Boyfriend Gambles? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Every year, poker is becoming an increasingly popular sport. But no matter what the “athletes” say, this game still remains a gamble for money, which your man can get carried away with.

Gambling addiction

Many psychotherapists call gambling addiction the least curable. Even drug addiction will be easier to get rid of, because drugs cause damage to the body that is visible even to the patient. The gamer is almost impossible to convince that the problem is serious and requires treatment.

He sees in games only the positive aspects and the opportunity to feel like a hero, a winner. Having lost, the dependent man wants to recoup, insanely believing that he will be lucky next time.

How to get rid of such a problem? It all depends on the severity. A man can forget about the games and after a day of therapy, or he can doom himself for all the life.

1) The first degree of dependence

It’s hard to call it addiction. It is rather a hobby, for some – even a profession. If you saw poker tournaments and successful casino players who made a fortune in their games, they basically belong to the first category.

Identifying such people is easy. Gambling for them is just one way to entertain themselves. If addicts run in casinos in their free time or sit in their online versions, then the rest, besides roulette and poker, go swimming, ride bicycles, and go camping. Variety is contrary to addiction.

Decision

Is it worth the alarm if your man started gambling from time to time? It all depends on his attitude to them and actual actions. Follow his behavior, how passionate he is in his bets and his desire to win.

The main sign of growing disaster is real money rates. If you notice that the man spent $ 5-10 on the game, then the loss of money can, on the contrary, turn him away from excitement and his risks. But if rates increase along with the amount of money spent, then it’s time for a serious conversation.

2) The second degree of dependence

It differs from the first in that gambling becomes the main form of relaxation. A man stops fishing, hunting and hanging out with a girlfriend. If he meets friends, he offers to play cards or begins to show off his successes in various gambling games. Outwardly, everything looks like love, but not into a girl, but into a game.

By the way, this is true not only for gambling, but also for ordinary games. But some representatives of the stronger sex spend most of their salaries and all their savings on updating virtual armor and buying new combat vehicles in video games.

Decision

What should a woman do in this situation? To begin with, try not to become a teacher, but an ally. See how he plays his games. Ask him to tell what is happening there and what is  the interest. You can even play together as a team. A man must understand that you are at the same time with him, that you are interested in his leisure.

When you’re “in the subject,” start asking awkward questions. “Darling, why do you spend so much money if you can enjoy the game without it?”, “Dear, but there is also free virtual currency, games by games..” .

Speak his language, try to reach out to him with logical arguments. The most important thing is not to make scandals and not to take away the opportunity to play. The dependent man has a clear association “game = happiness, goodness, pleasure.”

If you take this away abruptly or jeopardize it, another association will appear: “wife = evil, negative, screams”. So it can come even to a divorce.

Most men agree that a strong passion is not reasonable, and take steps towards getting rid of addiction. But if logical arguments don’t work, and the man doesn’t react to your friendly approach, then …

3) Third degree of dependence

It is a logical continuation of the second degree. Unlike her, a man is not able to logically evaluate his actions, and therefore all arguments are immediately swept away.

Family, wife, work, future – everything is either on a level with games, or below. A dependent man can easily say goodbye to general family savings, money for repairs or credit.

Decision

Hope for a miracle and try to talk to him. Speak in an understanding and friendly manner, screaming and quarreling will not help, they will only aggravate everything. If you have hidden  psychologist’s talent or get along well with your husband, a conversation can save him.

The third degree is considered as a clinical addiction that needs to be treated. First of all, you need to contact specialists. A man can argue and resist treatment, because you need experienced professionals who know what they are doing. Guys from the King Billy suggest following organizations for consultation and support: Gamblers Anonymous, GamCare, Gambling Therapy.

The treatment of gambling in most cases is unsuccessful, if it is a question of the third degree. Therefore, while a man is undergoing therapy, protect yourself and your family.

Do not turn away from the man and help, support him. Show and talk about people who have suffered from gambling, and about people who said goodbye to this addiction.

Perhaps in your city there are those who have gone through the same story. Ask these people to arrange meeting with you and the man, let them share experience and motivation.

Healed or Doomed

If your man has problems with gambling, then this is part of your responsibility too. It is unlikely that a man who is in the third degree of dependence, became interested in building relationships.

You may have overlooked. Perhaps you did not attach much importance. However, you are the closest person to your man. Preventing addiction or its development is your joint concern.

Be attentive to his hobbies and the most relevant hobbies. Take an interest in what he does in his free time, share his leisure with him, do not be afraid to plunge into the “boring male world”. Be a faithful ally for your man, not a screaming woman.

Sincere regular conversation saved more than one marriage.

Take this advice on your own note and use it not only to treat gambling addiction, but as a permanent preventative measure.

The post What If Your Boyfriend Gambles? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(616) "

Every year, poker is becoming an increasingly popular sport. But no matter what the “athletes” say, this game still remains a gamble for money, which your man can get carried away with. Gambling addiction Many psychotherapists call gambling addiction the least curable. Even drug addiction will be easier to get rid of, because drugs cause damage to […]

The post What If Your Boyfriend Gambles? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(7035) "

Every year, poker is becoming an increasingly popular sport. But no matter what the “athletes” say, this game still remains a gamble for money, which your man can get carried away with.

Gambling addiction

Many psychotherapists call gambling addiction the least curable. Even drug addiction will be easier to get rid of, because drugs cause damage to the body that is visible even to the patient. The gamer is almost impossible to convince that the problem is serious and requires treatment.

He sees in games only the positive aspects and the opportunity to feel like a hero, a winner. Having lost, the dependent man wants to recoup, insanely believing that he will be lucky next time.

How to get rid of such a problem? It all depends on the severity. A man can forget about the games and after a day of therapy, or he can doom himself for all the life.

1) The first degree of dependence

It’s hard to call it addiction. It is rather a hobby, for some – even a profession. If you saw poker tournaments and successful casino players who made a fortune in their games, they basically belong to the first category.

Identifying such people is easy. Gambling for them is just one way to entertain themselves. If addicts run in casinos in their free time or sit in their online versions, then the rest, besides roulette and poker, go swimming, ride bicycles, and go camping. Variety is contrary to addiction.

Decision

Is it worth the alarm if your man started gambling from time to time? It all depends on his attitude to them and actual actions. Follow his behavior, how passionate he is in his bets and his desire to win.

The main sign of growing disaster is real money rates. If you notice that the man spent $ 5-10 on the game, then the loss of money can, on the contrary, turn him away from excitement and his risks. But if rates increase along with the amount of money spent, then it’s time for a serious conversation.

2) The second degree of dependence

It differs from the first in that gambling becomes the main form of relaxation. A man stops fishing, hunting and hanging out with a girlfriend. If he meets friends, he offers to play cards or begins to show off his successes in various gambling games. Outwardly, everything looks like love, but not into a girl, but into a game.

By the way, this is true not only for gambling, but also for ordinary games. But some representatives of the stronger sex spend most of their salaries and all their savings on updating virtual armor and buying new combat vehicles in video games.

Decision

What should a woman do in this situation? To begin with, try not to become a teacher, but an ally. See how he plays his games. Ask him to tell what is happening there and what is  the interest. You can even play together as a team. A man must understand that you are at the same time with him, that you are interested in his leisure.

When you’re “in the subject,” start asking awkward questions. “Darling, why do you spend so much money if you can enjoy the game without it?”, “Dear, but there is also free virtual currency, games by games..” .

Speak his language, try to reach out to him with logical arguments. The most important thing is not to make scandals and not to take away the opportunity to play. The dependent man has a clear association “game = happiness, goodness, pleasure.”

If you take this away abruptly or jeopardize it, another association will appear: “wife = evil, negative, screams”. So it can come even to a divorce.

Most men agree that a strong passion is not reasonable, and take steps towards getting rid of addiction. But if logical arguments don’t work, and the man doesn’t react to your friendly approach, then …

3) Third degree of dependence

It is a logical continuation of the second degree. Unlike her, a man is not able to logically evaluate his actions, and therefore all arguments are immediately swept away.

Family, wife, work, future – everything is either on a level with games, or below. A dependent man can easily say goodbye to general family savings, money for repairs or credit.

Decision

Hope for a miracle and try to talk to him. Speak in an understanding and friendly manner, screaming and quarreling will not help, they will only aggravate everything. If you have hidden  psychologist’s talent or get along well with your husband, a conversation can save him.

The third degree is considered as a clinical addiction that needs to be treated. First of all, you need to contact specialists. A man can argue and resist treatment, because you need experienced professionals who know what they are doing. Guys from the King Billy suggest following organizations for consultation and support: Gamblers Anonymous, GamCare, Gambling Therapy.

The treatment of gambling in most cases is unsuccessful, if it is a question of the third degree. Therefore, while a man is undergoing therapy, protect yourself and your family.

Do not turn away from the man and help, support him. Show and talk about people who have suffered from gambling, and about people who said goodbye to this addiction.

Perhaps in your city there are those who have gone through the same story. Ask these people to arrange meeting with you and the man, let them share experience and motivation.

Healed or Doomed

If your man has problems with gambling, then this is part of your responsibility too. It is unlikely that a man who is in the third degree of dependence, became interested in building relationships.

You may have overlooked. Perhaps you did not attach much importance. However, you are the closest person to your man. Preventing addiction or its development is your joint concern.

Be attentive to his hobbies and the most relevant hobbies. Take an interest in what he does in his free time, share his leisure with him, do not be afraid to plunge into the “boring male world”. Be a faithful ally for your man, not a screaming woman.

Sincere regular conversation saved more than one marriage.

Take this advice on your own note and use it not only to treat gambling addiction, but as a permanent preventative measure.

The post What If Your Boyfriend Gambles? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1579621857) } [1]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(22) "Will He Ever Marry Me?" ["link"]=> string(60) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/01/20/will-he-ever-marry-me/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 20 Jan 2020 18:58:08 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(15) "Stella Painfree" } ["category"]=> string(39) "Marriagecommitmentmarriagerelationships" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4103" ["description"]=> string(527) "

We have all either met, known, or been the girl who has invested way too much time in the guy she is with, all in the hopes that he will deliver the ring. She is the girl who consumes an entire bag of chips or cookies after each holiday or birthday when said diamond is not produced […]

The post Will He Ever Marry Me? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5968) "

We have all either met, known, or been the girl who has invested way too much time in the guy she is with, all in the hopes that he will deliver the ring. She is the girl who consumes an entire bag of chips or cookies after each holiday or birthday when said diamond is not produced by the man she loves. Yes, she is the lady who has suffered through her own silent purgatory as she guides yet another friend down the aisle and is the one who cries every time a baby shower invitation arrives in the mail.

There is a terrific scene in a classic Sex and the City episode where Carrie is introducing the girls to her new guy, Burger. He spells it out plainly for Miranda by explaining to her that guys simply are not as complicated as women make them out to be. If a guy wants to have sex with you, he’s doing it regardless of the early meeting in the morning or not. And truth be told, if he truly wants to give you his name, he will buy you the ring.

The problem is that women do not want to believe that ‘he’s just not that into you.’ Why? Well, it is a bitter pill to swallow, even if in the long run it will save you a truck load of grief.

Even everyone’s favorite Indie Chick, Carrie Bradshaw, couldn’t let go of the man who was bad for her. Sure, the end of the series got a Hollywood, big-screen ending, but was it the realistic one? No, and even Candace Bushnell, who created the character of Carrie, said in an interview that in real life Carrie and Big’s union either never would have happened or ended in a bitter divorce.

We’ve all heard it from our moms (whom we never want to listen to), leopards do not change their spots. Pushing a guy into matrimony never ends well. It will eventually result with him resenting you.

But What If…

Maybe if we move in together, he will realize how great it is.

How many times have you heard a friend or a relative spout that one? The smart, assertive voice in your head is screaming, “Tell her never!” However, the sensitive, nurturing one is either quiet or gives the noncommittal, ‘maybe’ even when you know it is a big, fat lie.

If said guy doesn’t already know how awesome you are, sharing an apartment or a home isn’t going to deliver an epiphany. All it is going to do is supply him with a convenient person to satisfy his physical and emotional needs. Again, your mom and grandma may have had it right when they said, “Why buy the cow, when you get the milk for free?”

A childhood friend of my hubby’s would often say that he wasn’t even going to consider marriage until he was in his forties and was never going to change a diaper. However, somewhere in his early thirties, he met a young lady and within a year there was a ring and a very lavish wedding the following spring. Three kids later, he is a Cub Scout leader for his sons and a doting daddy to his little princess. And yes, he has changed quite a few dirty diapers.

Moral? If it’s right, it’s right.

Maybe if I get pregnant, he will propose. 

When this thought enters the conversation, you need to stop and back up. Bringing an innocent third party into a relationship that may or may not be on solid ground is a disaster waiting to happen, not to mention incredibly manipulative and awful.

If you have moved in with the guy, the ring never appears and then things end, you and your cat can easily move in with a relative or crash on a sympathetic friend’s couch. However, when another human being is in the equation, it’s not so easy. Babies are adorable, but they come with a lifetime commitment.

A baby should never be considered a solution to your relationship issues. Yes, your biological clock is loudly ticking in your ear, but these days you can purchase that from a bank. Realistically, if you forced fatherhood down his throat, you are probably going to be doing it alone anyway.

A Harsh Reality

He’s never going to marry me. 

As difficult and traumatic as it is to admit and accept, this will propel you onto a much happier path. Dragging a guy down the aisle and into the delivery room isn’t going to guarantee you happily ever after. Life isn’t scripted and you don’t get a redo.

If you and your guy have been in the holding pattern for what seems like an eternity, perhaps it is time to have the dreaded ‘talk’ about where the relationship is headed. Be honest with him and yourself. Pressure and ultimatums never work and if you think about it, do you really want a ring that you had to twist his arm for?

When you embrace yourself and stop defining your life by marriage and motherhood, you will open more doors for yourself. A diamond and a white dress aren’t prescriptions for happiness. However, a confident, strong, independent woman is.

The post Will He Ever Marry Me? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(527) "

We have all either met, known, or been the girl who has invested way too much time in the guy she is with, all in the hopes that he will deliver the ring. She is the girl who consumes an entire bag of chips or cookies after each holiday or birthday when said diamond is not produced […]

The post Will He Ever Marry Me? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5968) "

We have all either met, known, or been the girl who has invested way too much time in the guy she is with, all in the hopes that he will deliver the ring. She is the girl who consumes an entire bag of chips or cookies after each holiday or birthday when said diamond is not produced by the man she loves. Yes, she is the lady who has suffered through her own silent purgatory as she guides yet another friend down the aisle and is the one who cries every time a baby shower invitation arrives in the mail.

There is a terrific scene in a classic Sex and the City episode where Carrie is introducing the girls to her new guy, Burger. He spells it out plainly for Miranda by explaining to her that guys simply are not as complicated as women make them out to be. If a guy wants to have sex with you, he’s doing it regardless of the early meeting in the morning or not. And truth be told, if he truly wants to give you his name, he will buy you the ring.

The problem is that women do not want to believe that ‘he’s just not that into you.’ Why? Well, it is a bitter pill to swallow, even if in the long run it will save you a truck load of grief.

Even everyone’s favorite Indie Chick, Carrie Bradshaw, couldn’t let go of the man who was bad for her. Sure, the end of the series got a Hollywood, big-screen ending, but was it the realistic one? No, and even Candace Bushnell, who created the character of Carrie, said in an interview that in real life Carrie and Big’s union either never would have happened or ended in a bitter divorce.

We’ve all heard it from our moms (whom we never want to listen to), leopards do not change their spots. Pushing a guy into matrimony never ends well. It will eventually result with him resenting you.

But What If…

Maybe if we move in together, he will realize how great it is.

How many times have you heard a friend or a relative spout that one? The smart, assertive voice in your head is screaming, “Tell her never!” However, the sensitive, nurturing one is either quiet or gives the noncommittal, ‘maybe’ even when you know it is a big, fat lie.

If said guy doesn’t already know how awesome you are, sharing an apartment or a home isn’t going to deliver an epiphany. All it is going to do is supply him with a convenient person to satisfy his physical and emotional needs. Again, your mom and grandma may have had it right when they said, “Why buy the cow, when you get the milk for free?”

A childhood friend of my hubby’s would often say that he wasn’t even going to consider marriage until he was in his forties and was never going to change a diaper. However, somewhere in his early thirties, he met a young lady and within a year there was a ring and a very lavish wedding the following spring. Three kids later, he is a Cub Scout leader for his sons and a doting daddy to his little princess. And yes, he has changed quite a few dirty diapers.

Moral? If it’s right, it’s right.

Maybe if I get pregnant, he will propose. 

When this thought enters the conversation, you need to stop and back up. Bringing an innocent third party into a relationship that may or may not be on solid ground is a disaster waiting to happen, not to mention incredibly manipulative and awful.

If you have moved in with the guy, the ring never appears and then things end, you and your cat can easily move in with a relative or crash on a sympathetic friend’s couch. However, when another human being is in the equation, it’s not so easy. Babies are adorable, but they come with a lifetime commitment.

A baby should never be considered a solution to your relationship issues. Yes, your biological clock is loudly ticking in your ear, but these days you can purchase that from a bank. Realistically, if you forced fatherhood down his throat, you are probably going to be doing it alone anyway.

A Harsh Reality

He’s never going to marry me. 

As difficult and traumatic as it is to admit and accept, this will propel you onto a much happier path. Dragging a guy down the aisle and into the delivery room isn’t going to guarantee you happily ever after. Life isn’t scripted and you don’t get a redo.

If you and your guy have been in the holding pattern for what seems like an eternity, perhaps it is time to have the dreaded ‘talk’ about where the relationship is headed. Be honest with him and yourself. Pressure and ultimatums never work and if you think about it, do you really want a ring that you had to twist his arm for?

When you embrace yourself and stop defining your life by marriage and motherhood, you will open more doors for yourself. A diamond and a white dress aren’t prescriptions for happiness. However, a confident, strong, independent woman is.

The post Will He Ever Marry Me? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1579546688) } [2]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(66) "How To Travel When In A Relationship, And Your Man Stays Back Home" ["link"]=> string(104) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/01/20/how-to-travel-when-in-a-relationship-and-your-man-stays-back-home/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 20 Jan 2020 18:52:51 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(13) "J. T. Ellison" } ["category"]=> string(71) "Relationship AdviceadviceattitudelifestylerelationshipsTraveltravelling" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4100" ["description"]=> string(633) "

During my undergraduate years I traveled to Florence with my college’s Study Abroad program. When I first saw the flier for the program, I instantly knew I had to take the chance to travel and study art and poetry in Italy. My best friend from the university’s film program signed up to go with me. […]

The post How To Travel When In A Relationship, And Your Man Stays Back Home appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5536) "

During my undergraduate years I traveled to Florence with my college’s Study Abroad program.

When I first saw the flier for the program, I instantly knew I had to take the chance to travel and study art and poetry in Italy.

My best friend from the university’s film program signed up to go with me. We both had boyfriends and were in “serious” relationships.

When I told my boyfriend I was going  to travel away for six weeks over the summer, he simply said “How can I keep up with you?”

The truth was, he couldn’t and I was planning on flying solo.

Nevertheless, I loved him very much and was being every bit of a “wifey” with him. In retrospect, I was acing like a wife already without any of the recognition.

When he dropped me off at the airport, while I felt excited, I noticed he had an unhappy, scorned look on his face as he drove off.

I dutifully called him the minute we touched down in Milan for a six hour layover before the next leg of the flight to Florence. One of the exciting and downfalls of travel.

My girlfriend and I used those six hours well to see as much of Milan as we could cram in.

We visited the famous Sforza castle and ate authentic, delicious Italian panini (sandwiches). We could not believe we were actually in Italy!

The people were so well dressed and chic looking in Milan, the cars were so tiny, so many people rode bicycles, and even the Italian dogs’ energies were somehow “different.”

Finally arriving in Florence, we had a chance to catch up on our beauty sleep, then were introduced to the legendary Renaissance City by our school’s faculty who made sure we were very well taken care of.

The immediate change of focus on the arts and poetry classes was simply wonderful. My art teacher helped me learn how to draw using Brunelleschi’s “Vanishing Point” perspective.

I used authentic sienna pigment pastel crayon and charcoal to draw MichaelAngelo’s David, and other Florence pigments and tools such as silver-point (a Renaissance technique) to permanently draw over my pencil sketches on white paper.

My poetry teacher introduced me to the magic of the English Romantic poets: Byron, Shelley, and Browning.

Byron’s poem “The Giaour” interested me deeply because it was written so much like a film script with different perspectives and passionate imagery.

Yet all the while, as I was learning so many new things and histories while walking around the Renaissance City and traveling further throughout Italy, my thoughts were never fully in present time.

I kept thinking of my “man” back home, wondering what he was doing, and channeling too much of my good energy in his direction.

I remembered his unexpressed censure and resentment of my adventure, and his silent envy and self-judgment of his own limitations.

I tried to alleviate the unease I felt about his suppressed anger by spending a lot of money on calling cards trying to prove how much I cared,

I charged expensive gifts of Italian clothes and shoes to bring back for him, and wrote him heart-felt and devoted love letters.

One would think that all this is fine and dandy, and normal – but I assure you that it is better to be present in the moment, and live your life from where you stand.

Looking back, I would have given anything to have had more of a detached attitude, and not spent countless hours thinking, dreaming, planning, worrying, or conversing with my girlfriends about him.

If I could go back in time and give myself a few tips about travel without a boyfriend back home, one would have been: “Carpe Diem” every tiny fraction of every second.

Life is too short. The mysteries of Florence still call my soul and I yearn to retrace my footsteps without the burden on my mind of a surly boyfriend back home.

Maybe you are smarter than I was, and are have a more balanced relationship where the man is capable of reciprocating for the love, energy and time you expend keeping things going, who does not feel out-created by your own life visions, who rather would join you than keep you from travel and has the wherewithal and spirit to make it happen.

So just remember, if you are flying solo or with friends, try to live in the moment. Otherwise, you may feel like you left a piece of yourself elsewhere and missed out on totally savoring the magic of a faraway land.

If you live your life in the moment, you’re always able to carry all of the pieces of your soul with you – which propels you to new places and greater heights in your personal life, as well as attracts the magic to you that the universe wants you to partake in.

This philosophy works for every minute of every day, even when you are in your hometown doing the usual.lifestyle

The post How To Travel When In A Relationship, And Your Man Stays Back Home appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(633) "

During my undergraduate years I traveled to Florence with my college’s Study Abroad program. When I first saw the flier for the program, I instantly knew I had to take the chance to travel and study art and poetry in Italy. My best friend from the university’s film program signed up to go with me. […]

The post How To Travel When In A Relationship, And Your Man Stays Back Home appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5536) "

During my undergraduate years I traveled to Florence with my college’s Study Abroad program.

When I first saw the flier for the program, I instantly knew I had to take the chance to travel and study art and poetry in Italy.

My best friend from the university’s film program signed up to go with me. We both had boyfriends and were in “serious” relationships.

When I told my boyfriend I was going  to travel away for six weeks over the summer, he simply said “How can I keep up with you?”

The truth was, he couldn’t and I was planning on flying solo.

Nevertheless, I loved him very much and was being every bit of a “wifey” with him. In retrospect, I was acing like a wife already without any of the recognition.

When he dropped me off at the airport, while I felt excited, I noticed he had an unhappy, scorned look on his face as he drove off.

I dutifully called him the minute we touched down in Milan for a six hour layover before the next leg of the flight to Florence. One of the exciting and downfalls of travel.

My girlfriend and I used those six hours well to see as much of Milan as we could cram in.

We visited the famous Sforza castle and ate authentic, delicious Italian panini (sandwiches). We could not believe we were actually in Italy!

The people were so well dressed and chic looking in Milan, the cars were so tiny, so many people rode bicycles, and even the Italian dogs’ energies were somehow “different.”

Finally arriving in Florence, we had a chance to catch up on our beauty sleep, then were introduced to the legendary Renaissance City by our school’s faculty who made sure we were very well taken care of.

The immediate change of focus on the arts and poetry classes was simply wonderful. My art teacher helped me learn how to draw using Brunelleschi’s “Vanishing Point” perspective.

I used authentic sienna pigment pastel crayon and charcoal to draw MichaelAngelo’s David, and other Florence pigments and tools such as silver-point (a Renaissance technique) to permanently draw over my pencil sketches on white paper.

My poetry teacher introduced me to the magic of the English Romantic poets: Byron, Shelley, and Browning.

Byron’s poem “The Giaour” interested me deeply because it was written so much like a film script with different perspectives and passionate imagery.

Yet all the while, as I was learning so many new things and histories while walking around the Renaissance City and traveling further throughout Italy, my thoughts were never fully in present time.

I kept thinking of my “man” back home, wondering what he was doing, and channeling too much of my good energy in his direction.

I remembered his unexpressed censure and resentment of my adventure, and his silent envy and self-judgment of his own limitations.

I tried to alleviate the unease I felt about his suppressed anger by spending a lot of money on calling cards trying to prove how much I cared,

I charged expensive gifts of Italian clothes and shoes to bring back for him, and wrote him heart-felt and devoted love letters.

One would think that all this is fine and dandy, and normal – but I assure you that it is better to be present in the moment, and live your life from where you stand.

Looking back, I would have given anything to have had more of a detached attitude, and not spent countless hours thinking, dreaming, planning, worrying, or conversing with my girlfriends about him.

If I could go back in time and give myself a few tips about travel without a boyfriend back home, one would have been: “Carpe Diem” every tiny fraction of every second.

Life is too short. The mysteries of Florence still call my soul and I yearn to retrace my footsteps without the burden on my mind of a surly boyfriend back home.

Maybe you are smarter than I was, and are have a more balanced relationship where the man is capable of reciprocating for the love, energy and time you expend keeping things going, who does not feel out-created by your own life visions, who rather would join you than keep you from travel and has the wherewithal and spirit to make it happen.

So just remember, if you are flying solo or with friends, try to live in the moment. Otherwise, you may feel like you left a piece of yourself elsewhere and missed out on totally savoring the magic of a faraway land.

If you live your life in the moment, you’re always able to carry all of the pieces of your soul with you – which propels you to new places and greater heights in your personal life, as well as attracts the magic to you that the universe wants you to partake in.

This philosophy works for every minute of every day, even when you are in your hometown doing the usual.lifestyle

The post How To Travel When In A Relationship, And Your Man Stays Back Home appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1579546371) } [3]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(52) "Dating 411: The Transition from ‘Me’ to ‘We’" ["link"]=> string(78) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/01/20/dating-411-the-transition-from-me-to-we/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 20 Jan 2020 18:47:37 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(15) "Stella Painfree" } ["category"]=> string(56) "Relationship Advicedatingindependentme timerelationships" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4097" ["description"]=> string(633) "

“I love you…but I love me more.” Besides doing Sex & the City trivia, how many times have you used that line in real life? It’s what happens when someone, other than Samantha Jones, realizes that she’s gotten herself in way too deep. It’s when it suddenly dawns on you that you’ve gotten yourself into a relationship that […]

The post Dating 411: The Transition from ‘Me’ to ‘We’ appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5220) "

“I love you…but I love me more.” Besides doing Sex & the City trivia, how many times have you used that line in real life? It’s what happens when someone, other than Samantha Jones, realizes that she’s gotten herself in way too deep. It’s when it suddenly dawns on you that you’ve gotten yourself into a relationship that you’re not ready to commit to because you haven’t finished getting to know yourself quite yet.

First, let’s rewind and go over an important ‘must’ before you get too overwhelmed. Your first, real ‘from death do us part’ relationship is the one with ‘I.’

With this dynamic, your basic lingo revolves around terms like ‘me time,’ ‘my day,’ or anything that pertains to singular terms only. This self-concerned nature makes meeting a potential someone more complicated because your verbiage is going to be altered. It must be.

Now, let’s go over a few phases we all gradually go through in relationships. Bringing them to your attention will hopefully prepare you for the bumpy transition from ‘me’ to ‘we.’  Don’t worry. I’ll try to make the ride as smooth as possible.

Talking Phase

This could take anywhere from 2 days to 4 months, depending on one’s personality and sexual frustration. At this point, you’re so comfortable with ‘I’ and ‘my’ that it’s almost as if this new person is invading ‘your’ space.  Yet you want them there, which means you must learn how to cope and compromise…slightly. You’re nowhere near the ‘Carrie/Aidan’ move-in stage, so hang on to your heels and don’t go fleeing for Starbucks just yet!

Chilling Phase (Note: Pants Are Still On)

Again, this phase may last anywhere between days to weeks to months, provided we control our insatiable yet perfectly natural sex drives. Ladies, I know you have some patience in those groin muscles! Remember, he’s more than a center-fold, and you want to get to know him for his other attributes. This is the time where you bring out the whip & crack open your mental list: humor (Check.), chivalry (Check.), familia-closeness (Check.), intelligence with humility (Eh, one sec. Okay, check.) These are the ingredients that take us to phase three.

Let’s ‘Dance’ Phase

OK, you’ve waited long enough. I’m sure you’re relieved. Minor strip-teases are thus allowed in Phase 3. But more importantly,  you’ve unknowingly become comfortable with him hanging around you and your girlfriends. He’s made a good enough impression with you (and them) to have lasted this long and your singular verbiage is starting to wane.

Jumping Ship (You’ve Gone Overboard!)

Head over heels, perhaps? Oh my, the butterflies are fluttering like crazy and you are teeter-tottering on sanity because you’ve fallen hard for this potential ‘someone.’ But the real throat-tightening clincher is going to come the first time you say ‘we.’ You know it, it’s almost as monumental as ‘I love you,’ but when you go from ‘I use my oven to hold my magazines’ to ‘We love to host dinner parties,’ you know something has shifted on the inside of you and now it’s time for the magic to happen.

Make sense?  When you are aware of the process that ensues when you go from singlehood to mingle-hood, you’re that much more prepared for the transition.  I’m talking about the transition that takes place internally when you mentally, spiritually and emotionally shift your independent language to one of co-dependence.  It takes some time to get used to but if he’s worth it, you’ll know, and it’ll be smooth sailing.  Bon voyage chicas!

Are you working on the ‘I’ or ‘We’ right now?

The post Dating 411: The Transition from ‘Me’ to ‘We’ appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(633) "

“I love you…but I love me more.” Besides doing Sex & the City trivia, how many times have you used that line in real life? It’s what happens when someone, other than Samantha Jones, realizes that she’s gotten herself in way too deep. It’s when it suddenly dawns on you that you’ve gotten yourself into a relationship that […]

The post Dating 411: The Transition from ‘Me’ to ‘We’ appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5220) "

“I love you…but I love me more.” Besides doing Sex & the City trivia, how many times have you used that line in real life? It’s what happens when someone, other than Samantha Jones, realizes that she’s gotten herself in way too deep. It’s when it suddenly dawns on you that you’ve gotten yourself into a relationship that you’re not ready to commit to because you haven’t finished getting to know yourself quite yet.

First, let’s rewind and go over an important ‘must’ before you get too overwhelmed. Your first, real ‘from death do us part’ relationship is the one with ‘I.’

With this dynamic, your basic lingo revolves around terms like ‘me time,’ ‘my day,’ or anything that pertains to singular terms only. This self-concerned nature makes meeting a potential someone more complicated because your verbiage is going to be altered. It must be.

Now, let’s go over a few phases we all gradually go through in relationships. Bringing them to your attention will hopefully prepare you for the bumpy transition from ‘me’ to ‘we.’  Don’t worry. I’ll try to make the ride as smooth as possible.

Talking Phase

This could take anywhere from 2 days to 4 months, depending on one’s personality and sexual frustration. At this point, you’re so comfortable with ‘I’ and ‘my’ that it’s almost as if this new person is invading ‘your’ space.  Yet you want them there, which means you must learn how to cope and compromise…slightly. You’re nowhere near the ‘Carrie/Aidan’ move-in stage, so hang on to your heels and don’t go fleeing for Starbucks just yet!

Chilling Phase (Note: Pants Are Still On)

Again, this phase may last anywhere between days to weeks to months, provided we control our insatiable yet perfectly natural sex drives. Ladies, I know you have some patience in those groin muscles! Remember, he’s more than a center-fold, and you want to get to know him for his other attributes. This is the time where you bring out the whip & crack open your mental list: humor (Check.), chivalry (Check.), familia-closeness (Check.), intelligence with humility (Eh, one sec. Okay, check.) These are the ingredients that take us to phase three.

Let’s ‘Dance’ Phase

OK, you’ve waited long enough. I’m sure you’re relieved. Minor strip-teases are thus allowed in Phase 3. But more importantly,  you’ve unknowingly become comfortable with him hanging around you and your girlfriends. He’s made a good enough impression with you (and them) to have lasted this long and your singular verbiage is starting to wane.

Jumping Ship (You’ve Gone Overboard!)

Head over heels, perhaps? Oh my, the butterflies are fluttering like crazy and you are teeter-tottering on sanity because you’ve fallen hard for this potential ‘someone.’ But the real throat-tightening clincher is going to come the first time you say ‘we.’ You know it, it’s almost as monumental as ‘I love you,’ but when you go from ‘I use my oven to hold my magazines’ to ‘We love to host dinner parties,’ you know something has shifted on the inside of you and now it’s time for the magic to happen.

Make sense?  When you are aware of the process that ensues when you go from singlehood to mingle-hood, you’re that much more prepared for the transition.  I’m talking about the transition that takes place internally when you mentally, spiritually and emotionally shift your independent language to one of co-dependence.  It takes some time to get used to but if he’s worth it, you’ll know, and it’ll be smooth sailing.  Bon voyage chicas!

Are you working on the ‘I’ or ‘We’ right now?

The post Dating 411: The Transition from ‘Me’ to ‘We’ appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1579546057) } [4]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(29) "Time to Push the Reset Button" ["link"]=> string(68) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/01/20/time-to-push-the-reset-button/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 20 Jan 2020 17:11:41 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(21) "Kimberly Dawn Neumann" } ["category"]=> string(15) "Personal Growth" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4093" ["description"]=> string(598) "

Getting wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life is easy. What is not easy is finding your voice, passion and direction amongst thousands of bombarding influences each day. When life becomes too hard to decipher, typical results are profound confusion, feeling lost, and desperately reaching for direction. That is where I found […]

The post Time to Push the Reset Button appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4422) "

Getting wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life is easy. What is not easy is finding your voice, passion and direction amongst thousands of bombarding influences each day. When life becomes too hard to decipher, typical results are profound confusion, feeling lost, and desperately reaching for direction. That is where I found myself recently. After moving cross country and playing a long game of catch-up, I realized somewhere along the way I lost my own internal guide.

I began taking jobs in a completely different field because people told me it would be great temporary income. Since I just moved to a city that requires two or three jobs to just stay afloat, I thought it couldn’t hurt, right? Well, that slowly turned into more work and attending events that made me feel immensely drained and out of place. During one particular work event in a sleep deprived haze, I began thinking why am I here again? Even with this unsettling realization, I managed to keep plowing along.

It wasn’t until one alarming phone call that snapped me awake. I sat in Sunnyside, Queens on an impromptu business call where the woman asked me to send over the latest articles I’ve written for potential work. That is when it completely hit me: I haven’t written in months! All these previous distractions have taken me far, far away from my first passion of writing. Hit with a dose of depression and anxiety, I knew a drastic change was officially necessary.

I needed a reset button for my own life. I needed a moment to stop and get myself out of this big pit of misguided directions that I swerved into while semi-unconscious. I am not going to lie, a big portion of me wanted to buy the first ticket out of the United States where my phone and email would be shut off. But let’s face it, I hardly have the funds for it, and secondly it wouldn’t solve much when I decided to return to the mess at hand. So what do you do when you need to push that reset button?

Three simple things:

I have to remember this is my life, and I don’t owe anyone anything. It is not my responsibility to make other people happy, and it is not my business what other people think of me. Same goes for you! The most important person in your life is YOU, so make sure you are doing what makes you excited to wake up each day!

The post Time to Push the Reset Button appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(598) "

Getting wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life is easy. What is not easy is finding your voice, passion and direction amongst thousands of bombarding influences each day. When life becomes too hard to decipher, typical results are profound confusion, feeling lost, and desperately reaching for direction. That is where I found […]

The post Time to Push the Reset Button appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4422) "

Getting wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life is easy. What is not easy is finding your voice, passion and direction amongst thousands of bombarding influences each day. When life becomes too hard to decipher, typical results are profound confusion, feeling lost, and desperately reaching for direction. That is where I found myself recently. After moving cross country and playing a long game of catch-up, I realized somewhere along the way I lost my own internal guide.

I began taking jobs in a completely different field because people told me it would be great temporary income. Since I just moved to a city that requires two or three jobs to just stay afloat, I thought it couldn’t hurt, right? Well, that slowly turned into more work and attending events that made me feel immensely drained and out of place. During one particular work event in a sleep deprived haze, I began thinking why am I here again? Even with this unsettling realization, I managed to keep plowing along.

It wasn’t until one alarming phone call that snapped me awake. I sat in Sunnyside, Queens on an impromptu business call where the woman asked me to send over the latest articles I’ve written for potential work. That is when it completely hit me: I haven’t written in months! All these previous distractions have taken me far, far away from my first passion of writing. Hit with a dose of depression and anxiety, I knew a drastic change was officially necessary.

I needed a reset button for my own life. I needed a moment to stop and get myself out of this big pit of misguided directions that I swerved into while semi-unconscious. I am not going to lie, a big portion of me wanted to buy the first ticket out of the United States where my phone and email would be shut off. But let’s face it, I hardly have the funds for it, and secondly it wouldn’t solve much when I decided to return to the mess at hand. So what do you do when you need to push that reset button?

Three simple things:

I have to remember this is my life, and I don’t owe anyone anything. It is not my responsibility to make other people happy, and it is not my business what other people think of me. Same goes for you! The most important person in your life is YOU, so make sure you are doing what makes you excited to wake up each day!

The post Time to Push the Reset Button appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1579540301) } [5]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(28) "Make Love and Busy Life Work" ["link"]=> string(67) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/01/20/make-love-and-busy-life-work/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 20 Jan 2020 16:52:53 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(13) "J. T. Ellison" } ["category"]=> string(38) "Love & SexIntimate relationshiplovesex" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4089" ["description"]=> string(538) "

I’m a singer/songwriter and a couple years ago I was in the middle of a very heavy touring schedule. I had just gotten home from a run of shows and had to leave town again the next day. Tired, trying to unpack/repack, and catch up on emails, I was talking with my boyfriend on the […]

The post Make Love and Busy Life Work appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5562) "

I’m a singer/songwriter and a couple years ago I was in the middle of a very heavy touring schedule. I had just gotten home from a run of shows and had to leave town again the next day. Tired, trying to unpack/repack, and catch up on emails, I was talking with my boyfriend on the phone. After a few of my distant “uh huh’s,” he said, “You’re not listening to a word I’m saying, are you?” I was embarrassed to realize he was right. He just laughed because he understood, however, it bothered me. I love my work, but I never want to be so busy that I discount my loved ones or make them feel less important than what I have going on. That same night, I picked up my guitar and wrote a song called “Stand In My Way”. It’s a song about realizing the importance of taking the time to appreciate love in a busy life.

My boyfriend in the story is now my husband, and I’ve determined that you don’t have to necessarily stop work to make time for love, or vice versa. You can have it all. It’s a delicate balance, but I’m proof it’s possible. I’ve learned a lot over the years while building my own business, and at the same time falling in love and getting married. Here are some tips on how you can uphold love in a busy lifestyle.

How to Have Love & A Busy Life

Practice Time Management

This seems obvious, but it can be pretty tricky when you don’t have a 9 to 5 job like me. I don’t clock in and out of the music business, and I work primarily from home, which can overlap easily into personal time. I make lists to help myself manage a certain number of goals per day. Then there has to be a time to shut down the computer and give my husband my undivided attention.

Include Your Partner

It’s good to have time dedicated to work and also time for life outside of work, but I think having them completely separate might do more harm than good. I’ve found that when I include my husband in what I’m currently working on, or ask him his advice about something work-related, he becomes even more supportive of a partner because he knows what I’m dealing with in my day-to-day life. Even though he’s not in the music business, he likes to hear about it so he feels connected to me. Take the time to let your partner into “your world.”

Always Kiss Goodnight

When we were preparing for our wedding, it seemed like everyone was eager to tell us, “Remember to always kiss each other goodnight.” It kind of started out as a bit of a joke like, “Ok, we kissed goodnight. All is well with the world now!” But then I realized what great advice it is. You and your partner may be working long hours and exhausted by the time you hit the hay. But if you make a point to go to bed at the same time and kiss goodnight, it’s a simple yet powerful reminder that you’re there for each other at the end of each day.

Don’t Change, Grow

We’ve both encountered friends who change after getting married and we never quite understood that. Right after we got married we definitely indulged in some alone time together and a break from our work. But marriage isn’t the end; it’s just the beginning of a whole new chapter in your lives. Grow together and give each other encouragement in all areas of life—work, friendships, and spirituality. In other words, be a power couple.

Space Is Not a Bad Thing

As much as you love someone, being with them 24/7 is not conducive to a relationship (or getting any work done). My hubby knows when I’m in the room playing guitar with the door closed, I’m most likely writing and prefer not to be disturbed. Our schedules are different, so when he has a day off at home, I might have a full workday in front of me. Be respectful of each other’s time and needs. Take your space, but remember to check in every now and then so you know you’re thinking of each other.

Work Hard, Play Hard

Dreaming big is awesome. We would love to own a house someday and have kids. But we also understand the importance of working hard to save for the future and using our money to invest in our careers right now. Don’t let finances be a strain on your relationship. It should be a mutual motivation for accomplishing bigger goals. And when you do have some time off together, go ahead and splurge a bit.

I’m both a hopeless romantic as well as wildly independent, but keeping in mind that life is all about the journey and not the destination, I’m able to enjoy my work life and my love life without feeling like I’m compromising either. I think it’s possible for anyone to have it all. Good things come to those who work really hard—just be sure to take the time to stop and smell the roses along the way.

How do you make love and life work when your busy?

The post Make Love and Busy Life Work appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(538) "

I’m a singer/songwriter and a couple years ago I was in the middle of a very heavy touring schedule. I had just gotten home from a run of shows and had to leave town again the next day. Tired, trying to unpack/repack, and catch up on emails, I was talking with my boyfriend on the […]

The post Make Love and Busy Life Work appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5562) "

I’m a singer/songwriter and a couple years ago I was in the middle of a very heavy touring schedule. I had just gotten home from a run of shows and had to leave town again the next day. Tired, trying to unpack/repack, and catch up on emails, I was talking with my boyfriend on the phone. After a few of my distant “uh huh’s,” he said, “You’re not listening to a word I’m saying, are you?” I was embarrassed to realize he was right. He just laughed because he understood, however, it bothered me. I love my work, but I never want to be so busy that I discount my loved ones or make them feel less important than what I have going on. That same night, I picked up my guitar and wrote a song called “Stand In My Way”. It’s a song about realizing the importance of taking the time to appreciate love in a busy life.

My boyfriend in the story is now my husband, and I’ve determined that you don’t have to necessarily stop work to make time for love, or vice versa. You can have it all. It’s a delicate balance, but I’m proof it’s possible. I’ve learned a lot over the years while building my own business, and at the same time falling in love and getting married. Here are some tips on how you can uphold love in a busy lifestyle.

How to Have Love & A Busy Life

Practice Time Management

This seems obvious, but it can be pretty tricky when you don’t have a 9 to 5 job like me. I don’t clock in and out of the music business, and I work primarily from home, which can overlap easily into personal time. I make lists to help myself manage a certain number of goals per day. Then there has to be a time to shut down the computer and give my husband my undivided attention.

Include Your Partner

It’s good to have time dedicated to work and also time for life outside of work, but I think having them completely separate might do more harm than good. I’ve found that when I include my husband in what I’m currently working on, or ask him his advice about something work-related, he becomes even more supportive of a partner because he knows what I’m dealing with in my day-to-day life. Even though he’s not in the music business, he likes to hear about it so he feels connected to me. Take the time to let your partner into “your world.”

Always Kiss Goodnight

When we were preparing for our wedding, it seemed like everyone was eager to tell us, “Remember to always kiss each other goodnight.” It kind of started out as a bit of a joke like, “Ok, we kissed goodnight. All is well with the world now!” But then I realized what great advice it is. You and your partner may be working long hours and exhausted by the time you hit the hay. But if you make a point to go to bed at the same time and kiss goodnight, it’s a simple yet powerful reminder that you’re there for each other at the end of each day.

Don’t Change, Grow

We’ve both encountered friends who change after getting married and we never quite understood that. Right after we got married we definitely indulged in some alone time together and a break from our work. But marriage isn’t the end; it’s just the beginning of a whole new chapter in your lives. Grow together and give each other encouragement in all areas of life—work, friendships, and spirituality. In other words, be a power couple.

Space Is Not a Bad Thing

As much as you love someone, being with them 24/7 is not conducive to a relationship (or getting any work done). My hubby knows when I’m in the room playing guitar with the door closed, I’m most likely writing and prefer not to be disturbed. Our schedules are different, so when he has a day off at home, I might have a full workday in front of me. Be respectful of each other’s time and needs. Take your space, but remember to check in every now and then so you know you’re thinking of each other.

Work Hard, Play Hard

Dreaming big is awesome. We would love to own a house someday and have kids. But we also understand the importance of working hard to save for the future and using our money to invest in our careers right now. Don’t let finances be a strain on your relationship. It should be a mutual motivation for accomplishing bigger goals. And when you do have some time off together, go ahead and splurge a bit.

I’m both a hopeless romantic as well as wildly independent, but keeping in mind that life is all about the journey and not the destination, I’m able to enjoy my work life and my love life without feeling like I’m compromising either. I think it’s possible for anyone to have it all. Good things come to those who work really hard—just be sure to take the time to stop and smell the roses along the way.

How do you make love and life work when your busy?

The post Make Love and Busy Life Work appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1579539173) } [6]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(31) "The Seven Myths of the Hangover" ["link"]=> string(70) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/01/20/the-seven-myths-of-the-hangover/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 20 Jan 2020 16:38:26 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(11) "Interesting" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4086" ["description"]=> string(594) "

“I am never drinking again.” Whether said in jest or absolute seriousness, this sentiment is an all too common part of Saturday, Sunday … and often Monday mornings. And it should be noted this sentiment is almost always delivered in the morning and not while actually drinking. Because no matter how bad things get (arguments, […]

The post The Seven Myths of the Hangover appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(10442) "

“I am never drinking again.”

Whether said in jest or absolute seriousness, this sentiment is an all too common part of Saturday, Sunday … and often Monday mornings.

And it should be noted this sentiment is almost always delivered in the morning and not while actually drinking. Because no matter how bad things get (arguments, legal infractions, wallets / keys / girlfriends disappear) we are generally unwilling to blame what Homer Simpson affectionately describes as “The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems” until the next day.

That next day is however, a completely different story.

The cornucopia that is the human hangover has many facets, from migraines and seemingly never- ending sessions of vomiting (“I don’t remember eating that…”) to a very real feeling of despair and mental apathy. The symptoms are often so intense they lead us to swear off the sauce entirely. And however temporary these resolutions may be, the fact remains that bad hangovers are no joke.

The first step in combating these physical embodiments of pure evil is understanding what causes them, and what does not. The following is a list of the 7 biggest myths of the hangover:

Myths of the Hangover

1. “Cheap alcohol causes hangovers … I only drink Goose”

Although this statement is false, the rationale behind it is actually true. The reason has to do with little things called congeners, which were proven by a Brown University study to increase the intensity of hangovers (1) and are assumed to be more abundant in cheaper products. These organic molecules originate during the production process and are largely responsible for the flavor of the beverage. But what most people don’t understand is that the difference between the amount of congeners in “bad” vodka and “good” vodka is too minuscule to make a difference on your hangover. In fact the only time congeners come into play is with dark spirits, which have significantly more of these compounds. So while the logic of this sentiment stands, the real issue is dark vs. light, not cheap vs. expensive.

2. “I don’t like sweet drinks … they make me soooo hungover”

Wrong again. While excess sugar can lead to dehydration and headaches, the alcohol in these drinks will cause both of these symptoms, with much more intensity, long before the sugar gets a chance to do so. Sugar dehydration is subtle, caused by the liver attempting to dilute and pass what it doesn’t need. This can cause head and stomach aches but nothing like a hangover (think of eating too much candy). Alcohol on the other hand is aggressively “pushed” through the system by an increase in urination. So while a few extra apple martinis may make your hangover slightly worse, the effects are not significant in comparison to the effects of the alcohol itself. In fact their most significant repercussion of sugar is likely its ability to mask the alcohol, resulting in excessive drinking.

3. “I can’t mix alcohols or I’ll pay for it tomorrow”

False. The route of all hangovers is the chemical compound of alcohol itself, ethyl alcohol. It doesn’t matter if the spirit’s origin is sugar (rum), agave (tequila), or grain (most other spirits). This is what causes hangovers and is exact same in all standard strength spirits. The reason for this association is that people generally mix spirits only when they are already drunk. This can be explained by analyzing what causes people to switch: changing venues, meeting up with different people, running out of what you are drinking, or just being tipsy and drinking whatever is put in front of you. These all imply that the individual is drinking for longer periods than normal or drinking when they have already had enough. It is this extra drinking that causes hangovers, not switching product.

4. “I don’t drink tequila, it makes me crazy and I always end up sick.”

Poor Tequila. This spirit is credited with more hangovers than any other, despite no logic or science to back this claim. The reason is purely sociological, in that this is a party drink and is generally consumed to either evoke or compliment a certain level of excitement. This attitude is the real culprit.  Another factor is that tequila is more often that not drank as a shot. And the reason shots are fun, whether or not we want to admit it, is because they are consumed so quickly that we are unable to gauge their full effects, often until it is too late. Tequila has the exact same amount of alcohol as every other standard strength spirit, and just because it is from Mexico does not mean the Spring Break ghosts that haunt the photo albums of your Facebook profile have come back to get you.

5. “I love being “Champagne drunk”, but it makes me so hungover the next day.”

Not true. As with tequila, sparkling wine (of which champagne is the signature style) is given both unfair credit and blame with regards to its effects. The reasoning however may be slightly more scientific, in that the bubbles do actually allow quicker absorption into your body (the same reason Alka-Seltzer works faster than pills). This means you get drunk faster, which can be both more fun and more costly in that you set yourself up to drink more than you otherwise would. Adding to this is the fact that Champagne is usually drunk in a celebratory context, which also contributes to excessive drinking. But while these explanations would seem to be the logical cause of the hangovers that follow, most blame it on “the sugar”. This is not only erroneous due to the explanation in Myth #2, but because sparkling wine is generally very dry. You’d have to drink at least three bottles of champagne to equal the sugar in one can of soda.

6. “Beer before liquor, never been sicker.”

Wrong. There is no order of consuming alcohol that will make you more or less drunk or hungover. The only factor involved here is how much alcohol you take in. That being said, this adage points to the fact the by drinking the higher-alcohol product first, when you are of clearer mind and thus better able to control your intake, you will generally have a much better outcome than if you start taking whiskey shots once you already have a good beer buzz. So while obeying this rule does not effect your hangover directly, it does make you less likely to drink in excess and thus become more hungover.

7. “Lets stop at Jack in the Box, the greasy food will soak up the booze.”

I wish this was true, but it’s not, although food can play a role in your drinking experience on a number of different levels. The first example occurs before you drink, where a full stomach will prevent alcohol from heading straight to your lower intestine where absorption occurs the fastest. This allows you to slow the rate at which you become drunk, and lessens your chances of becoming a You Tube clip later on. But no soaking up of booze ever occurs and it certainly does not sober you up (although it may alleviate feelings of light-headedness caused by hunger). As for the grease stereotype, this is nothing more than a collective rationalization that allows all of us to eat crappy food when we are drunk. God bless it. The temporary endorphin release of fatty foods may also do something for the mental fatigue and moodiness once the hangover has begun, but that’s about it. So while not eating often results in increased drunkenness, eating does nothing to directly prevent or stop a hangover. And while you must start eating to get your body back on the right track, this generally won’t speed up the recovery process.

The Truth

At the end of the day it is pretty simple. Drinking too much causes hangovers (shocking, I know). It does this in two ways.

The first is direct. Alcohol causes dehydration and lowers glucose levels (the liver is too busy dealing with alcohol to release it). This causes blood vessels to constrict in an attempt to conserve these and other elements, making transportation within the body difficult. This is especially true around the brain, which is now getting less oxygen, fluid, and glucose, which is the brain’s powers source. The ache and general mental fatigue is your head’s way of telling you it is in distress. Similarly, nausea is due directly to the irritation of the stomach lining caused by alcohol.

The second factor has to do with the choices you make once you’re already drunk. This isn’t to say you can stop a hangover if you remember to drink water (which counteracts the fluid loss), eat good food, and go to bed earlier, but the intensity can be lessened. This is especially true regarding your bed time, which if forgotten can perpetuate a vicious circle where the drunker you get the more you drink. In many ways this cycle can bee seen as the real cause of hangovers.

Sure hangovers can be intensified or lessened via other factors, with things like age, size, tolerance, and genetics all playing a role. According to a Boston University study a lucky 25% of people are even resistant to hangovers all together (2). But when all is said and done there is no magic formula to avoiding them other than simply drinking less.

1. Damaris Rohsenow, Brown University, “Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research”

2. Jonathan Howland, Boston University, “The incidence and severity of hangover the morning after moderate alcohol intoxication”

The post The Seven Myths of the Hangover appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(594) "

“I am never drinking again.” Whether said in jest or absolute seriousness, this sentiment is an all too common part of Saturday, Sunday … and often Monday mornings. And it should be noted this sentiment is almost always delivered in the morning and not while actually drinking. Because no matter how bad things get (arguments, […]

The post The Seven Myths of the Hangover appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(10442) "

“I am never drinking again.”

Whether said in jest or absolute seriousness, this sentiment is an all too common part of Saturday, Sunday … and often Monday mornings.

And it should be noted this sentiment is almost always delivered in the morning and not while actually drinking. Because no matter how bad things get (arguments, legal infractions, wallets / keys / girlfriends disappear) we are generally unwilling to blame what Homer Simpson affectionately describes as “The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems” until the next day.

That next day is however, a completely different story.

The cornucopia that is the human hangover has many facets, from migraines and seemingly never- ending sessions of vomiting (“I don’t remember eating that…”) to a very real feeling of despair and mental apathy. The symptoms are often so intense they lead us to swear off the sauce entirely. And however temporary these resolutions may be, the fact remains that bad hangovers are no joke.

The first step in combating these physical embodiments of pure evil is understanding what causes them, and what does not. The following is a list of the 7 biggest myths of the hangover:

Myths of the Hangover

1. “Cheap alcohol causes hangovers … I only drink Goose”

Although this statement is false, the rationale behind it is actually true. The reason has to do with little things called congeners, which were proven by a Brown University study to increase the intensity of hangovers (1) and are assumed to be more abundant in cheaper products. These organic molecules originate during the production process and are largely responsible for the flavor of the beverage. But what most people don’t understand is that the difference between the amount of congeners in “bad” vodka and “good” vodka is too minuscule to make a difference on your hangover. In fact the only time congeners come into play is with dark spirits, which have significantly more of these compounds. So while the logic of this sentiment stands, the real issue is dark vs. light, not cheap vs. expensive.

2. “I don’t like sweet drinks … they make me soooo hungover”

Wrong again. While excess sugar can lead to dehydration and headaches, the alcohol in these drinks will cause both of these symptoms, with much more intensity, long before the sugar gets a chance to do so. Sugar dehydration is subtle, caused by the liver attempting to dilute and pass what it doesn’t need. This can cause head and stomach aches but nothing like a hangover (think of eating too much candy). Alcohol on the other hand is aggressively “pushed” through the system by an increase in urination. So while a few extra apple martinis may make your hangover slightly worse, the effects are not significant in comparison to the effects of the alcohol itself. In fact their most significant repercussion of sugar is likely its ability to mask the alcohol, resulting in excessive drinking.

3. “I can’t mix alcohols or I’ll pay for it tomorrow”

False. The route of all hangovers is the chemical compound of alcohol itself, ethyl alcohol. It doesn’t matter if the spirit’s origin is sugar (rum), agave (tequila), or grain (most other spirits). This is what causes hangovers and is exact same in all standard strength spirits. The reason for this association is that people generally mix spirits only when they are already drunk. This can be explained by analyzing what causes people to switch: changing venues, meeting up with different people, running out of what you are drinking, or just being tipsy and drinking whatever is put in front of you. These all imply that the individual is drinking for longer periods than normal or drinking when they have already had enough. It is this extra drinking that causes hangovers, not switching product.

4. “I don’t drink tequila, it makes me crazy and I always end up sick.”

Poor Tequila. This spirit is credited with more hangovers than any other, despite no logic or science to back this claim. The reason is purely sociological, in that this is a party drink and is generally consumed to either evoke or compliment a certain level of excitement. This attitude is the real culprit.  Another factor is that tequila is more often that not drank as a shot. And the reason shots are fun, whether or not we want to admit it, is because they are consumed so quickly that we are unable to gauge their full effects, often until it is too late. Tequila has the exact same amount of alcohol as every other standard strength spirit, and just because it is from Mexico does not mean the Spring Break ghosts that haunt the photo albums of your Facebook profile have come back to get you.

5. “I love being “Champagne drunk”, but it makes me so hungover the next day.”

Not true. As with tequila, sparkling wine (of which champagne is the signature style) is given both unfair credit and blame with regards to its effects. The reasoning however may be slightly more scientific, in that the bubbles do actually allow quicker absorption into your body (the same reason Alka-Seltzer works faster than pills). This means you get drunk faster, which can be both more fun and more costly in that you set yourself up to drink more than you otherwise would. Adding to this is the fact that Champagne is usually drunk in a celebratory context, which also contributes to excessive drinking. But while these explanations would seem to be the logical cause of the hangovers that follow, most blame it on “the sugar”. This is not only erroneous due to the explanation in Myth #2, but because sparkling wine is generally very dry. You’d have to drink at least three bottles of champagne to equal the sugar in one can of soda.

6. “Beer before liquor, never been sicker.”

Wrong. There is no order of consuming alcohol that will make you more or less drunk or hungover. The only factor involved here is how much alcohol you take in. That being said, this adage points to the fact the by drinking the higher-alcohol product first, when you are of clearer mind and thus better able to control your intake, you will generally have a much better outcome than if you start taking whiskey shots once you already have a good beer buzz. So while obeying this rule does not effect your hangover directly, it does make you less likely to drink in excess and thus become more hungover.

7. “Lets stop at Jack in the Box, the greasy food will soak up the booze.”

I wish this was true, but it’s not, although food can play a role in your drinking experience on a number of different levels. The first example occurs before you drink, where a full stomach will prevent alcohol from heading straight to your lower intestine where absorption occurs the fastest. This allows you to slow the rate at which you become drunk, and lessens your chances of becoming a You Tube clip later on. But no soaking up of booze ever occurs and it certainly does not sober you up (although it may alleviate feelings of light-headedness caused by hunger). As for the grease stereotype, this is nothing more than a collective rationalization that allows all of us to eat crappy food when we are drunk. God bless it. The temporary endorphin release of fatty foods may also do something for the mental fatigue and moodiness once the hangover has begun, but that’s about it. So while not eating often results in increased drunkenness, eating does nothing to directly prevent or stop a hangover. And while you must start eating to get your body back on the right track, this generally won’t speed up the recovery process.

The Truth

At the end of the day it is pretty simple. Drinking too much causes hangovers (shocking, I know). It does this in two ways.

The first is direct. Alcohol causes dehydration and lowers glucose levels (the liver is too busy dealing with alcohol to release it). This causes blood vessels to constrict in an attempt to conserve these and other elements, making transportation within the body difficult. This is especially true around the brain, which is now getting less oxygen, fluid, and glucose, which is the brain’s powers source. The ache and general mental fatigue is your head’s way of telling you it is in distress. Similarly, nausea is due directly to the irritation of the stomach lining caused by alcohol.

The second factor has to do with the choices you make once you’re already drunk. This isn’t to say you can stop a hangover if you remember to drink water (which counteracts the fluid loss), eat good food, and go to bed earlier, but the intensity can be lessened. This is especially true regarding your bed time, which if forgotten can perpetuate a vicious circle where the drunker you get the more you drink. In many ways this cycle can bee seen as the real cause of hangovers.

Sure hangovers can be intensified or lessened via other factors, with things like age, size, tolerance, and genetics all playing a role. According to a Boston University study a lucky 25% of people are even resistant to hangovers all together (2). But when all is said and done there is no magic formula to avoiding them other than simply drinking less.

1. Damaris Rohsenow, Brown University, “Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research”

2. Jonathan Howland, Boston University, “The incidence and severity of hangover the morning after moderate alcohol intoxication”

The post The Seven Myths of the Hangover appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1579538306) } [7]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(72) "The Selfie Police : A Fine Line Between Being Awesome and Being Insecure" ["link"]=> string(56) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/01/20/the-selfie-police/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 20 Jan 2020 16:25:55 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(15) "Stella Painfree" } ["category"]=> string(58) "InterestingadvicelifestylephotospicturesSELFIEsocial media" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4082" ["description"]=> string(631) "

A good selfie tells the world that you are loving who you are. Right? The latest trend of taking “selfies”, a.k.a. self portraits, are seriously filling up our social networking feeds. Many women feel empowered by posting photographs of themselves online but there is a fine line between being awesome and being insecure. The Need to Be […]

The post The Selfie Police : A Fine Line Between Being Awesome and Being Insecure appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6028) "

A good selfie tells the world that you are loving who you are. Right? The latest trend of taking “selfies”, a.k.a. self portraits, are seriously filling up our social networking feeds. Many women feel empowered by posting photographs of themselves online but there is a fine line between being awesome and being insecure.

The Need to Be Perfect

Are you really being true to yourself when it takes thirty tries to get the “perfect” selfie? Not really. Women receive a lot of pressure to be perfect from both the media and their social worlds. For years, Photoshop and other editing software has made it possible to present models and celebrities as perfect. It’s no wonder that the advertising industry has been so successful in making us insecure about our appearance, not to mention driving us to literally “buy” into the promise of perfection.

Today you can pick up your phone and instantly edit the way you look, the same way the media has been doing for years. Easily accessible editing software allows women to change their features, from color to shape and size. Believe me honey, your skin tone is not Valencia! Want to shave off a few pounds? You can literally do that with Photoshop! The need to be flawless has become so important to women that many of them are willing to modify their self-portraits and photographs to make themselves look like different people. The goal is always perfection.

Self-Objectification

How much editing is too much? For many, there is never a selfie perfect enough to not require editing. There is always something that can be fixed. It is the same idea behind the reason why so many women take multiple photographs at different angles. Click…analyze…repeat…edit…analyze…repeat. The need for just the right photo can morph into the need to be flawless in reality, which is not good—or realistic.

It is dangerous to over analyze any selfie because it can lead to us feeling that we are not “perfect” or good enough. By self-policing our photographs, we reinforce the idea that our purpose is to be judged and looked at. Ladies, we are so much more than that! We need to move away from wanting to fix ourselves both in real life and in selfie form. Say it with me now … “I love my selfie!”

Never Ending Insecurities

Why do women go to so much trouble to take and edit the perfect selfie? Well, this is mostly because they are looking for acceptance and reassurance that they are beautiful. If they are deemed beautiful, then they feel that they are valuable to society. Positive and negative comments from social networks strengthen and reinforce the need for best-ever selfie. Most women are not necessarily looking for attention when they post selfies, rather they are looking for acceptance from others so that they might in turn believe in themselves. It becomes a never-ending cycle of wanting and needing more. More photographs, more editing, more comments from others.

Being insecure is nothing to be ashamed about because we all deal with it. It is absolutely normal to want validation from others but it is not okay to base all of your self worth on it. Girl, you already got it going on! Take a step back from spending so much time and money on the way you look and you will become empowered by all the great things that you are already doing with your life.

Policing Our Best Moments

Selfies are a great way to share with the world how you are feeling, what you are doing and what is new and exciting in your life. Got a promotion? Take a selfie of yourself with your new title. Going on a great vacation? Take a pic of yourself with those palm trees. New hair cut? Show it off! The best selfies are the ones that are just you living in the moment and loving life.

Many women do not feel they are valuable enough and therefore will only share selfies that they think their social worlds will deem worthy enough. It is great to be proud of who you are and what you have done, but changing those experiences to appear more flawless only make those special moments become insincere. You do not have to look like a super model to be enjoying a significant moment.

Breaking the Habit

If you are posting selfies as a way to seek acceptance from others or to analyze your outer appearance … Stop! Remember that you are beautiful and wonderful regardless of what your followers think. On the same note, maybe it’s a good idea to stop sharing your selfies with everyone on your Facebook friends list. Hello? Do you really care about what Bobby from grade school thinks anymore? Aren’t some things better left unshared with your entire social network?

Take a step back and enjoy your selfies for yourself. They might even remind you of all the awesome things that make you, you! Want to share them? Show them to your closest friends and family and you will be able to connect with them on a personal level when you tell them about your achievements in person. Your success and happiness means nothing without a positive attitude.

What are your thoughts on selfies?  

The post The Selfie Police : A Fine Line Between Being Awesome and Being Insecure appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(631) "

A good selfie tells the world that you are loving who you are. Right? The latest trend of taking “selfies”, a.k.a. self portraits, are seriously filling up our social networking feeds. Many women feel empowered by posting photographs of themselves online but there is a fine line between being awesome and being insecure. The Need to Be […]

The post The Selfie Police : A Fine Line Between Being Awesome and Being Insecure appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6028) "

A good selfie tells the world that you are loving who you are. Right? The latest trend of taking “selfies”, a.k.a. self portraits, are seriously filling up our social networking feeds. Many women feel empowered by posting photographs of themselves online but there is a fine line between being awesome and being insecure.

The Need to Be Perfect

Are you really being true to yourself when it takes thirty tries to get the “perfect” selfie? Not really. Women receive a lot of pressure to be perfect from both the media and their social worlds. For years, Photoshop and other editing software has made it possible to present models and celebrities as perfect. It’s no wonder that the advertising industry has been so successful in making us insecure about our appearance, not to mention driving us to literally “buy” into the promise of perfection.

Today you can pick up your phone and instantly edit the way you look, the same way the media has been doing for years. Easily accessible editing software allows women to change their features, from color to shape and size. Believe me honey, your skin tone is not Valencia! Want to shave off a few pounds? You can literally do that with Photoshop! The need to be flawless has become so important to women that many of them are willing to modify their self-portraits and photographs to make themselves look like different people. The goal is always perfection.

Self-Objectification

How much editing is too much? For many, there is never a selfie perfect enough to not require editing. There is always something that can be fixed. It is the same idea behind the reason why so many women take multiple photographs at different angles. Click…analyze…repeat…edit…analyze…repeat. The need for just the right photo can morph into the need to be flawless in reality, which is not good—or realistic.

It is dangerous to over analyze any selfie because it can lead to us feeling that we are not “perfect” or good enough. By self-policing our photographs, we reinforce the idea that our purpose is to be judged and looked at. Ladies, we are so much more than that! We need to move away from wanting to fix ourselves both in real life and in selfie form. Say it with me now … “I love my selfie!”

Never Ending Insecurities

Why do women go to so much trouble to take and edit the perfect selfie? Well, this is mostly because they are looking for acceptance and reassurance that they are beautiful. If they are deemed beautiful, then they feel that they are valuable to society. Positive and negative comments from social networks strengthen and reinforce the need for best-ever selfie. Most women are not necessarily looking for attention when they post selfies, rather they are looking for acceptance from others so that they might in turn believe in themselves. It becomes a never-ending cycle of wanting and needing more. More photographs, more editing, more comments from others.

Being insecure is nothing to be ashamed about because we all deal with it. It is absolutely normal to want validation from others but it is not okay to base all of your self worth on it. Girl, you already got it going on! Take a step back from spending so much time and money on the way you look and you will become empowered by all the great things that you are already doing with your life.

Policing Our Best Moments

Selfies are a great way to share with the world how you are feeling, what you are doing and what is new and exciting in your life. Got a promotion? Take a selfie of yourself with your new title. Going on a great vacation? Take a pic of yourself with those palm trees. New hair cut? Show it off! The best selfies are the ones that are just you living in the moment and loving life.

Many women do not feel they are valuable enough and therefore will only share selfies that they think their social worlds will deem worthy enough. It is great to be proud of who you are and what you have done, but changing those experiences to appear more flawless only make those special moments become insincere. You do not have to look like a super model to be enjoying a significant moment.

Breaking the Habit

If you are posting selfies as a way to seek acceptance from others or to analyze your outer appearance … Stop! Remember that you are beautiful and wonderful regardless of what your followers think. On the same note, maybe it’s a good idea to stop sharing your selfies with everyone on your Facebook friends list. Hello? Do you really care about what Bobby from grade school thinks anymore? Aren’t some things better left unshared with your entire social network?

Take a step back and enjoy your selfies for yourself. They might even remind you of all the awesome things that make you, you! Want to share them? Show them to your closest friends and family and you will be able to connect with them on a personal level when you tell them about your achievements in person. Your success and happiness means nothing without a positive attitude.

What are your thoughts on selfies?  

The post The Selfie Police : A Fine Line Between Being Awesome and Being Insecure appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1579537555) } [8]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(70) "Why You Should Forget Everything You’ve Learned About Long Term Love" ["link"]=> string(106) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/01/20/why-you-should-forget-everything-youve-learned-about-long-term-love/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 20 Jan 2020 16:10:20 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(21) "Kimberly Dawn Neumann" } ["category"]=> string(57) "Relationship AdviceLONG TERM COMMITMENTSloverelationships" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4079" ["description"]=> string(727) "

I know, I know. You’ve heard this before. It’s on every angry, angst filled teens media pages, about how they’re swearing off love because one single guy or girl decimated their views on love with one fell swoop. Or, there’s the kids whose parents got divorced so now they’ll never believe in long term love, because if the people who created them can’t stay together, […]

The post Why You Should Forget Everything You’ve Learned About Long Term Love appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6698) "

I know, I know.
You’ve heard this before. It’s on every angry, angst filled teens media pages, about how they’re swearing off love because one single guy or girl decimated their views on love with one fell swoop. Or, there’s the kids whose parents got divorced so now they’ll never believe in long term love, because if the people who created them can’t stay together, then who can?! Our generation was all doe-eyed for the forever love sort of movies like The Notebook but then some of us grew up to be skeptical.

I was definitely all of those sorts of people.

For a really, really long time.

But don’t stop reading yet, this isn’t a love letter to my boyfriend for being my knight in shining armor and making me believe in love again.

This is about how, even after being through a hefty amount of failed relationships and watching my parents get cut throat in a court room, I realized that love doesn’t end, it changes.

Sometimes it changes and you can change with the person, and you constantly grow into the newer versions of each other. That’s the healthier sort. You promote and encourage change in your significant other and grow with them, as they do with you.

Other times it changes and neither of you can change and grow with it, causing negative ideas that the other person isn’t who you thought they were, and that you’ve “grown apart.” Of course, there’s some truth in thinking the person isn’t who you thought they were, sometimes love makes us believe that someone is a saint when they’re really a psycho-maniac with an agenda, but I digress.

My grandparents are a great example. When I was a kid, I remember watching them interact with each other. For as long as I can remember, they never had any physical contact. No hugs, kisses, or hand holding. No laying of a hand on an arm in companionship. No talking, unless it was something like “What do you want for dinner” or “Why haven’t you done that yet” from my grandmother. When we came to visit them after dinner, they’d be sitting across the living room from each other. She would be sewing, and he would be watching the news. Together. In silence.

They were both very caring and loving people, it just didn’t seem like they were with each other. I was baffled, and I eventually chalked it up to that they were older and sick of each other. They were married for a really long time, and now that they had so many grandchildren and needed help with domestic things, they stayed together out of convenience and age.

When my grandmother got sick, my grandfather took care of her. But even then she was bitter with him. My mother told me it was because she was in so much pain, which of course was understandable, but she never seemed to have a loving word to say to the person who was caring for her on her death bed.

On the night of her death I watched my grandfather closely. She had died in comatose, and there was no way for any of us to really say goodbye. My grandfather that night had the bravest face of all, which I thought was both admirable and strange, as the love of his life, his wife, was dead. We all hugged him, and we all cried, but he seemed so much stronger. I didn’t think anything of it after awhile. I assumed that since their marriage had lasted so long the love within it had dissipated to nothing, and he had little feeling after she had left this world.

I was so very, very wrong.

Months later and it was his birthday, and my mother had made him a frame that held a picture of my grandmother in the most beautifully important stages of her life. The first when she was a senior in high school, the second was when she and my grand father had just gotten married, another when she was a mother, and the last when she was a grandmother.

I was expecting an “Aww that’s nice” or something relating to that.

But he cried. Sobbed. He broke down as he saw the frame that held every shining moment of his late-wife’s life in his hands. He was lost and broken, seemingly now in more pain than the rest of us after the reminder of the whole lifetime that they had spent together.

I was perplexed. I didn’t get it. I didn’t realize until later that they had still loved each other, even as she was dying, but their love had changed to a point where it didn’t need physical contact or even words anymore. They sat in silence. Companionable silence. I still like to think that their love had been so perfect with age that they didn’t need to project it out to the world anymore. They just knew it was still there.

Long-term love never lasts, because it never stays the same. It either grows into something even more amazing and sincere with time, or it stops growing altogether.

Now, looking at my own relationship, I know that for now we grow together. Someday we might grow apart, and of course I’ll be damned if I let it, but life happens. Love is always changing, especially as it ages, and perhaps that’s what makes long term love so damn beautiful.

The post Why You Should Forget Everything You’ve Learned About Long Term Love appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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I know, I know. You’ve heard this before. It’s on every angry, angst filled teens media pages, about how they’re swearing off love because one single guy or girl decimated their views on love with one fell swoop. Or, there’s the kids whose parents got divorced so now they’ll never believe in long term love, because if the people who created them can’t stay together, […]

The post Why You Should Forget Everything You’ve Learned About Long Term Love appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6698) "

I know, I know.
You’ve heard this before. It’s on every angry, angst filled teens media pages, about how they’re swearing off love because one single guy or girl decimated their views on love with one fell swoop. Or, there’s the kids whose parents got divorced so now they’ll never believe in long term love, because if the people who created them can’t stay together, then who can?! Our generation was all doe-eyed for the forever love sort of movies like The Notebook but then some of us grew up to be skeptical.

I was definitely all of those sorts of people.

For a really, really long time.

But don’t stop reading yet, this isn’t a love letter to my boyfriend for being my knight in shining armor and making me believe in love again.

This is about how, even after being through a hefty amount of failed relationships and watching my parents get cut throat in a court room, I realized that love doesn’t end, it changes.

Sometimes it changes and you can change with the person, and you constantly grow into the newer versions of each other. That’s the healthier sort. You promote and encourage change in your significant other and grow with them, as they do with you.

Other times it changes and neither of you can change and grow with it, causing negative ideas that the other person isn’t who you thought they were, and that you’ve “grown apart.” Of course, there’s some truth in thinking the person isn’t who you thought they were, sometimes love makes us believe that someone is a saint when they’re really a psycho-maniac with an agenda, but I digress.

My grandparents are a great example. When I was a kid, I remember watching them interact with each other. For as long as I can remember, they never had any physical contact. No hugs, kisses, or hand holding. No laying of a hand on an arm in companionship. No talking, unless it was something like “What do you want for dinner” or “Why haven’t you done that yet” from my grandmother. When we came to visit them after dinner, they’d be sitting across the living room from each other. She would be sewing, and he would be watching the news. Together. In silence.

They were both very caring and loving people, it just didn’t seem like they were with each other. I was baffled, and I eventually chalked it up to that they were older and sick of each other. They were married for a really long time, and now that they had so many grandchildren and needed help with domestic things, they stayed together out of convenience and age.

When my grandmother got sick, my grandfather took care of her. But even then she was bitter with him. My mother told me it was because she was in so much pain, which of course was understandable, but she never seemed to have a loving word to say to the person who was caring for her on her death bed.

On the night of her death I watched my grandfather closely. She had died in comatose, and there was no way for any of us to really say goodbye. My grandfather that night had the bravest face of all, which I thought was both admirable and strange, as the love of his life, his wife, was dead. We all hugged him, and we all cried, but he seemed so much stronger. I didn’t think anything of it after awhile. I assumed that since their marriage had lasted so long the love within it had dissipated to nothing, and he had little feeling after she had left this world.

I was so very, very wrong.

Months later and it was his birthday, and my mother had made him a frame that held a picture of my grandmother in the most beautifully important stages of her life. The first when she was a senior in high school, the second was when she and my grand father had just gotten married, another when she was a mother, and the last when she was a grandmother.

I was expecting an “Aww that’s nice” or something relating to that.

But he cried. Sobbed. He broke down as he saw the frame that held every shining moment of his late-wife’s life in his hands. He was lost and broken, seemingly now in more pain than the rest of us after the reminder of the whole lifetime that they had spent together.

I was perplexed. I didn’t get it. I didn’t realize until later that they had still loved each other, even as she was dying, but their love had changed to a point where it didn’t need physical contact or even words anymore. They sat in silence. Companionable silence. I still like to think that their love had been so perfect with age that they didn’t need to project it out to the world anymore. They just knew it was still there.

Long-term love never lasts, because it never stays the same. It either grows into something even more amazing and sincere with time, or it stops growing altogether.

Now, looking at my own relationship, I know that for now we grow together. Someday we might grow apart, and of course I’ll be damned if I let it, but life happens. Love is always changing, especially as it ages, and perhaps that’s what makes long term love so damn beautiful.

The post Why You Should Forget Everything You’ve Learned About Long Term Love appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1579536620) } [9]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(44) "Things You Should Know About Dating A Writer" ["link"]=> string(83) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/01/17/things-you-should-know-about-dating-a-writer/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Fri, 17 Jan 2020 16:53:36 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(10) "Andrew Tch" } ["category"]=> string(25) "Dating Advicedatingwriter" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4072" ["description"]=> string(665) "

If you’re reading this article, you’ve probably got in a trap and started dating a writer. Well, it does sound romantic – just remember all the Hollywood masterpieces on this topic starting from classic “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” ending up with all-time-favorite “Gossip girl”. At the same time, Hollywood also originated many stereotypes about writers making […]

The post Things You Should Know About Dating A Writer appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(7567) "

If you’re reading this article, you’ve probably got in a trap and started dating a writer. Well, it does sound romantic – just remember all the Hollywood masterpieces on this topic starting from classic “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” ending up with all-time-favorite “Gossip girl”. At the same time, Hollywood also originated many stereotypes about writers making us subconsciously ready to handle their depressions, addictions, and affairs.

So what’s standing behind the relationships with a creative person? Shall you go on with your romance or get a therapist? I’m glad to share my experiences – hopefully, there are some answers you’ve been looking for.

Going on a date with the writer may lack romantic context (or not have it at all)

Once you’re all set about the date, you may assume that your mate is in the same mood, ready to go on a love rollercoaster. Remember one thing: writers may go on the dates for sharing their thoughts or just listening to your story. Of course, they won’t ever tell you that! And by default, asking them about their romantic interests and goals on the first date is a bit… controversial.

Your romantic moments may be easily disrupted with the “creative spark”

For instance, you two go on a romantic trip. You’re about to tell him/her something important and they suddenly jump to their laptop and start typing with that psychotic smirk on their faces. Make sure you have an alternative scenario or at least bring a book to kill an hour or two.

Writers usually come as thinkers. Even when they look calm and peaceful, their brains may be super busy working on a novel or developing an inner discussion about the reasons for using edible spoons. You cannot predict an eureka moment as it may happen anywhere and anytime regardless of the circumstances. And yes, it will be very awkward – don’t roll your eyes, just give them a pen.

Start loving books if dating a writer

Most of the writers are the book worms. Otherwise, how would they get inspiration for their own texts? Here comes a tough moment: in most of the cases, you have to be there to support a discussion.

It doesn’t mean you have to come up with the identical “To Read” list. Yet, it’s better if you’re updated about all the new literature on the market and at least know some of the classics. And don’t forget about all the books by his/her favorite writer – it simply doesn’t work the other way.

They need more moments for themselves

If comparing a writer with an animal, their behavior may remind you of a cat – friendly and cute yet independent. Their work is strongly related to the environment they are in. Remember, if you were let in, your partner sacrificed the most precious thing they owned – private space.

Sometimes, it’s better to spend a few hours in separate rooms. Either your friend is working on something commercial like buy cheap essays online or on the product of their own, there are three essential things they need:

If the relationship has just begun, don’t be stress about your date’s possible ignorance. What are the chances you became a muse for him/her? 🙂

Prepare to hear some rude comments about spelling mistakes and plot holes

No writer will ever tolerate any technical mistakes they see either in a newspaper or on the local billboards. Be careful with your own writing (e.g., texting and emails) if you don’t want to experience any sudden outbursts of anger.

Same with the movies and the books. Writers usually have an alternative version for almost everything going on around. Thus, they will keep an eye on the movie plot blaming directors for cheesy scenarios. Everything is about skepticism – learn how to handle it.

Don’t try to become one of the characters

First, you have to be honest: do you date him/her just because of their profession? Most of the people pushing their image as one of the characters have more vanity than love. It’s time to realize – writers will describe either the people they’re passionate about (which will not last long) or individuals they might portray as negative. Want to be one of those?

If you do have feelings for a person, don’t push them in any way. Even though separating their job from a romantic relationship can take some time and energy, you better support it to avoid playing a guest star in the life of your partner.

Marry the person who showed you their writing

Text is something that everybody will see sooner or later. However, before it’s published, not that many people are welcome to glance at the drafts. Writing is an intimate process of transforming one’s feelings and thoughts into emotions. If you were asked to read the results of that process, your partner or date gave everything they have to you. It’s a piece of their soul that is equal to the words “I love you”.

When dating a person of any profession, you have to be flexible with their professional habits. At the same time, they should not become an obstacle on your way to “Happy Ever After”. Try to balance and look for the good vibes – love is an open door!

The post Things You Should Know About Dating A Writer appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(665) "

If you’re reading this article, you’ve probably got in a trap and started dating a writer. Well, it does sound romantic – just remember all the Hollywood masterpieces on this topic starting from classic “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” ending up with all-time-favorite “Gossip girl”. At the same time, Hollywood also originated many stereotypes about writers making […]

The post Things You Should Know About Dating A Writer appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(7567) "

If you’re reading this article, you’ve probably got in a trap and started dating a writer. Well, it does sound romantic – just remember all the Hollywood masterpieces on this topic starting from classic “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” ending up with all-time-favorite “Gossip girl”. At the same time, Hollywood also originated many stereotypes about writers making us subconsciously ready to handle their depressions, addictions, and affairs.

So what’s standing behind the relationships with a creative person? Shall you go on with your romance or get a therapist? I’m glad to share my experiences – hopefully, there are some answers you’ve been looking for.

Going on a date with the writer may lack romantic context (or not have it at all)

Once you’re all set about the date, you may assume that your mate is in the same mood, ready to go on a love rollercoaster. Remember one thing: writers may go on the dates for sharing their thoughts or just listening to your story. Of course, they won’t ever tell you that! And by default, asking them about their romantic interests and goals on the first date is a bit… controversial.

Your romantic moments may be easily disrupted with the “creative spark”

For instance, you two go on a romantic trip. You’re about to tell him/her something important and they suddenly jump to their laptop and start typing with that psychotic smirk on their faces. Make sure you have an alternative scenario or at least bring a book to kill an hour or two.

Writers usually come as thinkers. Even when they look calm and peaceful, their brains may be super busy working on a novel or developing an inner discussion about the reasons for using edible spoons. You cannot predict an eureka moment as it may happen anywhere and anytime regardless of the circumstances. And yes, it will be very awkward – don’t roll your eyes, just give them a pen.

Start loving books if dating a writer

Most of the writers are the book worms. Otherwise, how would they get inspiration for their own texts? Here comes a tough moment: in most of the cases, you have to be there to support a discussion.

It doesn’t mean you have to come up with the identical “To Read” list. Yet, it’s better if you’re updated about all the new literature on the market and at least know some of the classics. And don’t forget about all the books by his/her favorite writer – it simply doesn’t work the other way.

They need more moments for themselves

If comparing a writer with an animal, their behavior may remind you of a cat – friendly and cute yet independent. Their work is strongly related to the environment they are in. Remember, if you were let in, your partner sacrificed the most precious thing they owned – private space.

Sometimes, it’s better to spend a few hours in separate rooms. Either your friend is working on something commercial like buy cheap essays online or on the product of their own, there are three essential things they need:

If the relationship has just begun, don’t be stress about your date’s possible ignorance. What are the chances you became a muse for him/her? 🙂

Prepare to hear some rude comments about spelling mistakes and plot holes

No writer will ever tolerate any technical mistakes they see either in a newspaper or on the local billboards. Be careful with your own writing (e.g., texting and emails) if you don’t want to experience any sudden outbursts of anger.

Same with the movies and the books. Writers usually have an alternative version for almost everything going on around. Thus, they will keep an eye on the movie plot blaming directors for cheesy scenarios. Everything is about skepticism – learn how to handle it.

Don’t try to become one of the characters

First, you have to be honest: do you date him/her just because of their profession? Most of the people pushing their image as one of the characters have more vanity than love. It’s time to realize – writers will describe either the people they’re passionate about (which will not last long) or individuals they might portray as negative. Want to be one of those?

If you do have feelings for a person, don’t push them in any way. Even though separating their job from a romantic relationship can take some time and energy, you better support it to avoid playing a guest star in the life of your partner.

Marry the person who showed you their writing

Text is something that everybody will see sooner or later. However, before it’s published, not that many people are welcome to glance at the drafts. Writing is an intimate process of transforming one’s feelings and thoughts into emotions. If you were asked to read the results of that process, your partner or date gave everything they have to you. It’s a piece of their soul that is equal to the words “I love you”.

When dating a person of any profession, you have to be flexible with their professional habits. At the same time, they should not become an obstacle on your way to “Happy Ever After”. Try to balance and look for the good vibes – love is an open door!

The post Things You Should Know About Dating A Writer appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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